GBH, Street Dogs, Sum 41 only "true" punk bands, claim scientists

After using harmony, pitch, beat, media sponsorship, and label tracking software, a team of scientists have determined that there are only three "True" punk bands. those bands are GBH, Street Dogs, and Sum 41.

The scientists, who late last year released the study of the equation of a hit song, issued a joint announcement:

Through years of careful development, we have been able to conclusively determine that the only punk bands that have been uninfluenced by other genres or marketing techniques, are The Street Dogs, GBH, and Sum 41. All other bands have been significantly affected by the developments of other genres, or financial situations directly in contrast to the core punk ethos.

Surprisingly, some early punk bands, were found to be not truly punk. The scientists said that, "The Clash were on a major label, thus disqualified." Black Flag was disqualified for "having more metal influence than anything else." Crass was disqualified for "being unlistenable."