Sunday Edition: Tonight We're Going To Give It 35%

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Here's your question and answer of the week from the Punknews Formspring:

Q: People in punk generally like smaller venues. But, isn't there something to be said for the ambiance of the massive arena show?

A: Here's my gripe with arena shows (in no particular order, except #1):
1) Seats - Listen, I've seen a ton of musicals (Can't untype that) and in all of them I'm seated, it's fine for that purpose. However, if I go to anything more rocking than Wicked I don't want to seat down. So your only other choice is to stand up and head bang at your seat (which is some 500 yards from stage) like a complete dickhead. But what about...

2) General Admission - The arena's response to seats is, "Hey, we have a big as area where everyone can stand (for $50)!" This is shitty because if it's a venue like the Shoreline amphitheater the General Admission area is BEHIND the seated area so you're even fucking farther back and the area is populated by annoying ass stoners. If GA is actually upfront, you're still probably lucky to get within 100 yards of the stage and if you do get that close, "Protecting my girlfriend (who shouldn't be this close to the stage anyway)" bro is going to get mad if anyone of the 50,000 attendees touches his girl.

3)Getting a fucking drink - You'd think in a building meant to house the fucking city of Detroit they'd have more than one bartender/foodserver for every 5,000 people. NOPE. Somehow, a dingy bar manages to have 4 bartenders (not to mention wait staff taking drink orders) to serve 400 people but a fucking arena (equipped with full service kitchens and bars) acts like it's a god damn surprise when people want food and drinks. I don't even mind paying $6 for a god damn Coors Light but I'll be fucked if I'm going to wait in line for 45 minutes (missing the best Bon Jovi set ever, I mean seriously Jon and Ricky were vibing so hard) for the privilege of doing so. Speaking of $6 piss water...

4) Prepare to get fucked (financially) - Why is it I can find free parking for a bar show in San Francisco (a city where you have to pay just for the honor of having a hobo piss on your shoes) but if I park at some arena in San Jose I'm coughing up $15? Once you're inside you can enjoy a delicious $20 frozen slice of pizza (that is unsurprisingly still pretty fucking frozen). Also, it's worth noting that all band merch at arena shows has been run through some sort of Dr. Seuss "biggering" device because it all costs 500% of any normal fucking item. This is in part because these larger venues take a cut of the merchandise and in part because your fat fucking high school art teach can't wait to shit out $45 to get that sweet Journey tour shirt (you know the one with all the fucking dates on the back, which not only makes you look like a fucking tard but also reminds everyone that you bought that shirt 20 years ago and should probably throw it the fuck out).

5) There's shit everywhere - This is not a metaphor or a hyperbole, I literally mean arena shows become a god damn toilet. Harkening back to the complaint about food you'd think in a building built for 50,000 people (many of whom are getting totally shitfaced) some architectural intern would have taken into account human waste. NOPE. In every arena I've been to toilets seems like an after thought. In the best case situations outdoor venues will bring in port-a-potties for an event (though this is also a sort of cruel joke, because it clearly means the recognize there's a problem with the lack of facilities but equally clearly don't give enough of a fuck about your well being to permanently fix it).

With limited toilet facilities you would hope your fellow humans would protect these resources, so everyone can utilize them. Double nope. For some reason when there's limited toilets everyone's base instinct turns to, "OH shit, piss on the floor! Smear shit on the walls of the stall! Write 'Slayer Rulz" with my jizz on the mirror! This is the end of humanity and my waste will be a signal to future generations!" Most of the time you're already wadding through a pile of shit just to get to the bathroom so you might as well just save time and shit your pants.

So yeah, fuck arenas and large shows, they're god damn awful and unbearable.
PUNX!

-Rich

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