Contests: The BANKSHOT! Records contest has ended

Our BANKSHOT! Records Anti-Xmas contest has ended. The winners of a prize pack containing the
Mass Destruction [review] compilation and a copy of the Channel Zero: Jennie
One trade paperback, signed by artist Becky
Cloonan and writer Brian Wood are:
Arvind K. of Fort Collins, CO
EJ B. of Miami, FL
Dan B. of North Bend, OH
Laura L. of Egg Harbor, NJ
Kyle S. of Garden Grove, CA

Thanks to BANKSHOT! Records
and AIT/Planet Lar for the prizes. If you didn't win but the folks at the label still like your story, you'll find some stickers and buttons in the mail soon. Click below for the winning stories.

STORIES:

I'm not sure if I remember this or if I just know it because the story
always comes up around Christmas time, but in any case, here's my story. I
was four at the time and my parents were having a little Christmas party at
our house. It was just our family and some people from their work. They
dressed me up in this stupid red full body pajama with reindeers and crap
like that on it. Anyways, as if that wasn't embarrassing enough, when I was
introduced to the people from my parent's work, they surrounded me and kept
telling me how cute I was. In response to this pressure, I did what anyone
would do… I pee'd my pants. My suit turned a dark maroon color and I was
suddenly not so cute. I'm not sure what was going through my head or why I
thought soaking my bright red suit would be a good way to solve the problem,
but, needless to say, my family doesn't host any more Christmas parties.

Arvind K. of Fort Collins, CO

Alright well this story here itself wasnt as embarrasing as the results of
my actions in the story were ,either way i had a good laugh . Personally it
takes alot for me to get embarrased since i can usually laugh at myself
whenever i do something stupid .So anyway , Me and a car full of some
friends mosey on down to this research place where they pay you money to
answer questions about products .My friends didn't make much , but i made
like 20 bux for answering too many questions about deodorant.Questions like
"which deodorant makes you feel more like man ?' and so on , it was pretty
funny , but too damn long . So all this money we made went into an extremely
large jug of cheap invern house whiskey and some soda . We used the old take
a shot then chase it quickly with a chug of soda method.We drank that jug
like it was going out of style , it was great .
So I get extremely hammered and according to everyone in the car i
start going into this whole , "what the hell does love mean anyway" thing
and just talk shit for the better part of the car ride . We then get to the
park where we all usually hang out, drink , sleep , get occasionally
harrassed by cops. Since it was a friday there was a pretty decent amount of
people there just eating shit . By this time, my mind is elsewhere , I'm a
big drinker , but that night i was drunker than a school girl drinking
smirnoff. Soon after our arrival , i tell my friend "hey man , don't you
dare tell me to get naked" and in practicaly no time at all , i was stark
naked walking around this park on friday night with about fifty people there
plus passing traffic and pedestrians . It was like one of those dreams that
you have when you are the only one who is naked , but it was pretty fuckin
real.
I then begin walking around the park talking to random people as
if i were fully clothed.I walked over to the pier and sat on the railing
admiring the water . I even bummed cigarettes while i was in my birthday
suit . My friend almost beat my ass at one point when i was sitting my bare
ass on the roof of her car . I was pretty out there , i even somewhat
remember seeing a guy that i know with his girlfriend and asking them if
they would be interested in a threesome just for the hell of it .I also
remeber saying "hey check out my shrinkage" to alot of people , definetely
not one of my shining moments and a very incriminating statement that would
later come back to bite my ass.
Eventually the close came back on and we ended up at some party
where I continued to drink beer from this keg , but the clothes stayed on
the rest of night.I actually walked the longest i ever walked that night
ending up at a nude beach and falling asleep . For weeks after i was
recognized as the naked guy . I remember getting to the park one day and
some guy I've never met before was completely fucked up on heroine and
passed out at this table .I sat down and he looks up at me and goes " hey
man aren't you the naked guy ?". This sort of thing went on for a while
which was fine , except when people kept yelling "shrinkage!" at me , that
kinda sucked , but was still kinda funny.

EJ B. of Miami, Fl

I was the giant robot with bird like head from the aquabats the bad guys they fight. we made the costume the night before and everything was still wet so I used it anyway and this girl mega hot comes up and is like of love that band and she said can I see you. I try to take off the costume and im stuck in it my efforts to pull my self out everything rip. I am in my underwear not tightwightes and she flips and the hole crowd of people flip out it was so bad and the worst part about it I did it at my high school so I have a new name now too smallballs.

Kyle S. of Garden Grove, CA

I was in high school and I was at the Christmas dance. I was only 14 and was there with my first real boyfriend. While going up the stairs I tripped and knocked into my boyfriend, who in turn fell into the caption of the basketball. The three of us tumbled down the stairs and we landed on top of the basketball player. HIs broke his arm and was out the whole season, costing the school the championship. To top it all off my boyfriend took the brunt of the hate and got beat up by the rest of the basketball team. I was outcast for the year but luckily that summer by bra filled out enough that the incident was forgotten by the next year.

Laura L. of Egg Harbor, NJ

So, I'm like 5 years old right. I'm all excited as hell for santa claus to come and I'm up until like 12am.(thats late as hell for a 5 year old.) So, i wake my ass up at like 4:30 and go and get mom and dad up like "Mommy and Daddy, Santa came!" "Little shit" my parents reply simultaneously. So we go out to the family room and they're acting all excited for me, and i get a brand new, shiny, Easton baseball bat. Coolest thing ever. My dad's out makin up a pot of coffee at this time cos its 4:30 in the morning. He comes walkin out into the family room, coffee mug in hand, and I just jack the damn thing as hard as I can with the bat. I broke his hand and got glass stuck in his chin. We spent Christmas that year at the University hospital, while my bat was lying somewhere down in backyard about an acre away. POOR DAD!!!

Dan B. of North Bend, OH