Blag Dahlia

Metrosexual Man [7-inch] (2012)

John Gentile

Metrosexual Man is actually a collection of rejects. It's a little-known nugget that Dwarves vocalist Blag Dahlia frequently supplements his income (and artistic pop aspirations) by ghostwriting for pop icons, TV show themes, and young bands that have more cash than talent. Metrosexual Man is a collection of releases that were rejected by various media producers for being too edgy.

For example, "Metrosexual Man" was rejected by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. On it, Blag jovially pokes fun at metrosexuals over a poppy, almost noveau lounge beat. But being Blag, he can't seem to resist going for that extra shot and instead of simply winking at double entendres, suggests that the shows participants are "light in the loafers" and on The Love Boat "would be gopher." Interestingly though, "The Simple Life," which was rejected from the show of the same name, is somewhat more tame. Although Blag is less explicit, it's impressive that he can fit an entire show's backstory, and the conflicts therein, in less than two minutes. However, "Simple Life" exhibits Blag's rarely mentioned, but substantial skill of warping genre hallmarks to his own use. On one beat, he's recalling the Monster Mash. On another, he's recalling Frank Zappa's ability to wind doo wop throwback into a tune for a mere half measure without breaking the song's flow.

"Baby Romain," which is the odd man out on the disk, wasn't rejected from any program; rather, it's Blag and Kevin Cole of Turbo ACs penning a tune about Blag's sexual conquests over a lullaby guitar line. "North of the Border," rejected by Bob and Doug McKenzie, is one of the oddest tracks ever cut by the hedonist. The vast majority of the track is Blag in a monologue about nasty things he has done over a morphine-drenched beat propelled by a hip hop drum. Blag announces that he pisses on people's heads, doesn't want to visit Mexico, and wants to import Rwandan refugees. What?! In fact, Blag spends so much time naming himself there's little time for the purpose of the song to take shape. Only at the end does he even reference the McKenzies at all, barely calling them out at the refrain.

It's no wonder that these tunes were rejected. They are far too nasty and brutish for anything on mainstream TV or radio. I mean really, are Bob and Doug McKenzie really going to adopt a song that has the command "Lick my ballsack"? But punk is the domain of rejects, and these tunes fit in right at home with the rest of the outcasts.