ArnoCorps/Hoodslam

live in Oakland (2015)

John Gentile

As “G.I. Bro” rushed out into the wrestling ring, it was clear that it was going to be an unusual night at Oakland’s Metro Opera House on March 6, 2015. The first collaboration between Austria-Californian rockers Arnocorps and Hoodslam, the Bay Area’s most prominent professional wrestling league, had a packed house drawing audiences from both the punk and wrestling word. Wasting little time, G.I. Bro, a muscled-up fratboy with a bedazzled hat hyped the crowd by getting them to chant Arnocorps’ name all while pouring shots of booze down the throats of attendees.

Arnocorps took the stage, each in camos, each wearing aviators, and each smoking a stogie. Frontman Holzfeuer leaped into the wreslting ring, delivered a short sermon about the bands background (they are fighting against “Austro-ploitation by playing heavy metal songs about ancient Austrian legends), and then the band ripped into a three song set. Arnocorps’ recordings are pretty wild, what with their tales of fighting Predators and Terminators and warlords, but their live show is on another level. Holzfeuer climbed in and out of the ring, up on the ropes, and shouted out battle cries as the band kicked out tunes equally influenced by thrash metal and NWOBH. Frankly, the music combined with visuals combined with the songs about killing aliens really is something to behold.

Soon after, the first Hoodslam match began. A chaotic eight-way match, the combat included over the top characters like “Drugs Bunny,” a cocaine addict hare-human hybrid that perpetually sniffs the white stuff, a pair of adult men who were still in high school wrestling gear, and “The Knights of the Roxbury.” On top of that, in a nod to Arnocorps, in the match was also a robot from the future who was looking to kill the mother of the man who would lead a revolt against the future robots, and the kids mom herself, “Sarah.”

The whole thing was wacky and wild. The robot got his arms torn off. The drug addicted rabbit juiced his partner back up with some weasel dust. In fact, as the wrestlers displayed send-ups of modern archetypes, the whole affair had a rather GWAR-ish feel. Though, to be fair, the actual wrestling was no joke. At all times, people were jumping off the rails, suplexing each other, pile-driving heads, and being thrown out of the ring into the audience. In fact, because the venue is fairly small, the event felt more like a secret, back alley street fight than a giant WWF arena, particularly when the wrestlers themselves toppled over your feet, brawling on the concrete floor. Wild!

After that match, Arnocorps came back out and played some of their newer songs and at that point, the merging of the band and the wrestlers made a lot of sense. A key aspect of Arnocorps is the re-telling of legends for the purpose of encouraging the listener to better his own life and strive for that ideal. Meanwhile, the wrestlers serve a much similar function. For example, Hulk Hogan the man has as many, if not more, black marks to his name than anyone else. But, Hulk Hogan the idea, as he flies through the air, over the ring, championing healthy living, is one way of saying, “you too can achieve greatness.” That being said, you can draw whatever meaning from a coke-addicted rabbit-man you like.

For the rest of the night, the band alternated with the wrestlers. Arnocorps played some of their pumping newer songs like “Pumping Iron” and “Terminator.” The band was tight, but energetic live, finding the ballzy intersection of skill and power. Meanwhile, the matches continued to feature colorful characters like “Marty McFuck,” who wore high tops and a varsity jacket, a Mafioso in a pink zoot suit, “Bat Man-uel,” a Hispanic crime fighter, and “the morbidly obese video gamer.” Rarely has an audience gotten behind a champion as hey did with the diminutive Brittany Wonder. Despite an extended, riveting fight against the aforementioned pink Mafioso, Wonder was defeated, but her loss garnered as much applause as most wins. The crowd was truly heartbroken. Special mention should go to “Scorpion Jr.,” a ninja, that, much like an ancient Austrian legend, became pregnant despite being male. During the match, Scorpion Jr. gave birth, hurled the newborn, who was still attached to the umbilical chord, at his opponent, and then yanked his opponent forwards while growling “c’mere!” Unfortunately, Scorpion Jr. was disqualified because, as the crowd screamed in tandem, “YOU DON’T BRING YOUR KIDS TO HOODSLAM!”

The highlight of the evening was the grand finale when Arnocorps took the stage for one last time, only to be joined by Jello Biafra. In as fitting a paring as possible, the musicians covered the updated “Kalifornia Uber Alles,” lampooning Arnold Schwarzenegger in one breath and California politics in the next. One of the great punk rock legends coming down to earth to dispense his wisdom and one of punk rocks most interesting acts rising up to meet the challenge all on the sacred square where men and women test their earthly mettle- how apropos.