El Jefe

El Jefe's Amorphous Formula (2003)

Jesse Raub

This shit sounds like P.O.D. without the rock. Second rate rhyming takes a backseat to loud funk/atmospheric/shitty beats generated by a full band. It's really predictable and all the songs are "deep" and "introspective." It shit like this, where kids grow up and then just decide that they want to make hip-hop music without any knowledge of what hip-hop is, that makes me want to start my own hip-hop group. Here, let me take a stab at a flow:

This band is terrible/the sound is unbearable/I'd rather listen to a cat choke on a hairball.

See how bad that was? This band is even worse:

"Perhaps there's a few things I should explain/how I came to be here and what's my name/It's Wecker but ya probably call me The Wiz/and wreckin' mics late night is how I handle my biz."

So far we have four lines, and not one mention of porn, bitches, weed, booze, sex, coke, or Timberland boots and Land Cruisers. Who the hell do they think they are? Well, here's what I have to say to El Jefe:

Go buy Wu-Tang's "36 Chambers," Dr. Dre's "The Chronic," Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Nigga Please," Mos Def "Black on Both Sides," The Roots "Things Fall Apart," anything by Nas or Jay-z, anything by KRS-1, some Dead Prez for extra flavor, and a pinch of RUN-DMC for a nice solid base. Listen to all these records straight through. Listen to them again. Realize that you'll never be as good as these groups and quit making music.