The Rescue

Phone Numbers (2004)

Jesse Raub

They scream during the verse, they sing terribly off key during the chorus and second verse. They have throat cancer screams and shitty breakdowns that are sloppier than Angelina Jolie's pants while she's watching "Sling Blade." If you can't keep straight time during recording, then I don't even want to imagine how off this band is live. I really can't believe that we have another one of these bands, and I can't believe how many kids are gobbling this crap up. So much warbling, so much sucking. It's unbearable.

All the vocals in this band are cartoonish and terrible. Not only do you have the guy who sounds like he's puking everytime he tries to scream emotionally, but you have the guy who sings off-key and the girl who sings off key with sweet sugary indie-pop vocals, you know, like Jenny Lewis on those Postal Service tracks. I seriously picture this being the soundtrack to The Neptunes if Jabberjaw and gang ever got together and did a modern version of their show.

This band is careful to steal things from every band out there blowing up big. "The Windshield As A Lover" takes the concept of using a car crash as a metaphor for love or a breakup, with such quality lines like "I can't say that I love you, but I'd love to see you die." Hey guys, Thursday did this three years ago with "Understanding in a Car Crash," and to tell you the truth, their version of this concept doesn't seem like such a horrible song anymore, compared to yours. In other songs, riffs are ripped off completely from Thrice, and the breakdowns are all the same chord and the same damn pattern that every fucking band has ever done when they try to be metalcore. Did I mention that the guy who screams sounds like Cookie Monster every now and then? "Me Lost Me Cookie At the Disco" shall forever be the best song sung by Cookie Monster. Oh, and they have a song titled "Tragically Florida." What the fuck?

On the cover is a page of phone numbers with "Cooke C" circled. Inside there is a newspaper clipping talking about how a 19-year-old girl was found dead on her bed with "this is heartbreak" painted on her wall. The back of the CD has a picture of a dead girl with a pillow over her face (just like the newspaper article) and "goodnight angel" cut out and pasted by it, and a grave with "Cooke" on it and "sleep tight" cut out and pasted by it. As far as I can tell, this CD is advocating the murder of ex-girlfriends.

I think I can sum up this release in one word: LAME. Go out and buy something else to listen to.