Why Not

Caution Wet Floor (2003)

Jordan Rogowski

There are certain fundamental questions that the world just may never find out the answer to. Just how did the dinosaurs become extinct 64 million years ago? Did O.J. Simpson actually murder Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman? How many of the 2004 Boston Red Sox made a pact with Kathie Lee Gifford, or as she is sometimes known, Satan, to win the 2004 world series? Why Not? The last of that group of questions doesn't really fit in there, does it? Just as Why Not's album fits into a discussion about bands making good albums about as well as Puddle Of Mudd. This is what happens when four guys with no musical talent or vision decide to record an album.

This album is composed of 18 tracks, all very standard fare as far as punk rock is concerned, only sounding like it's been recorded on somebody's computer. Yes, this album is self-released, and I will give them the credit of being able to put an album out without the backing of a label, but thousands of bands are in the very same situation, and are able to put out recordings that sound like they took more than one take per song. These songs are really clumsy, with no real direction or flow as the album progresses; it's all just balls to the wall all the time, only these guys lack the chops to pull that approach off. Many a person have complained about grind and tech metal bands being just noise, despite the obvious intricacies of the music, but this album really is just a ton of noise. Overly simplistic song structures, awful vocals, and dumb to the point of not even being funny song titles all plague this release.

"Preppy," "Frat Boys Take It Up The Ass," "Mind On My Toilet," and "Corporate Coffee Sucks Ass" are just a few examples of their futile attempt to be Dillinger Four. And what would lame song titles be without the lyrics to accompany them? Why Not was really looking out for the potential record buyer in that right, as these lyrics don't even qualify as sophomoric. Observe: "We've got nothin' better to do, so let's go get a new tattoo / I got one and so do you / We all got those new tattoos." They then proceed to speed up the music repeating the same two lines for the remainder of the song. Honestly, the best part of the album is a pretty funny sound clip called "Cop Car," but things quickly depreciate from there.

This album is angry, this album is fast, and this album is terrible. These guys would do well to learn some other techniques on their respective instruments to make things at least a bit more interesting, all the while the lead singer can be learning to write lyrics with a bit more class and merit than "fuck the pigs!!!" I'll accept that from Dr. Dre, not 4 white kids out of Miami who can't play their instruments.

Somewhere, The Juice is smiling, knowing somebody finally made a record bad enough for murder to seem just a little bit more acceptable.