Whitman

Anhedonia Falling (2005)

Jesse Raub

The cover of this album scared me a bit. Some girl kneeling by some sort of pillar or something that seems to be bleeding…a band called Whitman…a record with the word "falling" in its title…all ingredients in a recipe for disaster. If only there was a warning on the cover for the terrible off-key vocals to save my poor melodically inclined ear-drums. Mmmm…aural sandpaper…

BORING. Yep, that's this album. Played down wannabe indie rock with "rocking" parts where they just play louder and harder. It doesn't make it better or any more rocking. Or change the fact that this isn't anything more than a shitty modern rock band that thinks they're indie rock because they use "emotional" lyrics like "everything's burning," or, "I'm stuck in an hour glass." Just what I needed. Clichéd bullshit one-liners to make me feel again. Down-tempo, head-bobbing drum beats. Boring guitar parts with reverb slapped over 'em to make them sound "intelligent."

Man, I can't stand this crap. One of their songs is EIGHT MINUTES LONG. Yep. Same old bullshit over and over again, for the length of a Mars Volta song. Sweet zombie Jesus. Where's the fun? Music isn't supposed to be a bummer. I'm not supposed to feel like vomitting after listening to an album. I've had enough manufactured "pain" and "angst." Next, please.