UPDATE- This article is 100% false. April fools!

Well, it looks like the trend is continuing. Arnocorps' van was also broken into, only hours after Teenage Bottlerocket's van, Menzingers' van and PEARS' van. The bands believe there may be a connection but no link has yet been established. Amps and instruments were stolen along with 12 pairs of aviator sunglasses and a several dozen boxes of stogies. No clues have yet emerged but traces of red, yellow, green and blue fibers were found, suggesting pieces of masks or badly dressed frat boys. Arnocorp's only comments were:

"It was likely predators jealous of our heroic symmetry and awesomeness, a disappointing display of thievery that goes against everything the Heroes and Sheroes of Alpine lore stand for. We will emerge from the ashes of this idiocy greater than ever before. As always, we will remain BALLZY!"

The band is also starting an IndieGoGo fund to raise funds to match the equipment and "truly priceless" memorabilia stolen. The fund is currently called "Your Money, Give Them To Us" and is already exceeding current donation goals.

The police are investigating and are particularly interested in the scraps of extremely colorful cloth found, and are calling for anyone with information to please contact them.