Wow, listen to us, we're the Carlsonics, we play garage rock. We sound like 498,734 other bands. Megan's radiator is making more interesting noises than we do. Look, our album cover is us on a bus trying to look retro. We're so cool. What? You think we want to be The Strokes? How'd you figure it out? Darn, now our cover is blown. But we're from D.C., not New York, doesn't that count for anything?

I'm the lead singer, Aaron Carlson, I want to sound like Mick Jagger, but I don't. Can't you just picture me trying to imitate his strut on stage? Listen to me, you think my voice is sexy in a cocky way don't you? Oh yeah, that's what I'm going for. Totally contrived, but you're dreaming about me at night, I know it.

I'm Mike Scutari. I play the drums. Listen to me "pound" out boring rhythms. Garage rock? More like garage soft rock. Wow, nothing I'm playing is at all interesting. I should have probably stayed in my garage.

We're Ed Donohue and John Passmore. We play guitar. We help keep the sound as generic as possible. We have one somewhat catchy song, "I Dig The Bushwack." Listen to it. Only listen to it, because the rest of the album is bad.

I'm Nikki West, I play the bass. You might not have noticed that, because you can barely hear it in the mix. Oh well, I didn't really want to be associated with this crap anyway. Please avoid our album at all costs. Isn't one The Strokes more than enough? You can now proceed to tell Megan how much a. she sucks b. this review sucks c. we suck.