Shy Child is a drum/synth duo that's to be dancey and experimental. Instead, it comes off as repetitive and annoying. Weak production will kill a dancey record. So does repeating the same line and riff over and over again.

It reminds me of an amateur attempt at sounding like Q And Not U's Different Damage. Yep, loop loop loop. It's hard letting this record command my attention because it's so repetitive. Almost as repetitive as I'm being in this review by calling this record repetitive. Repetitive.

Now, if this record had a nice low end to it, and polished drums, or even real drums scratched and they went with a drum machine... Well, the songwriting is far too basic to save it, but at least it'd be something to grab your woman and grind to. Ughh. I can't help but just thinking of this band as something that comes out a high school or college. You know the type. They were the best around town, but town was mostly reject rednecks so competition was slack. So when they get out of town they make a record and think that they're great. And then they suck. But they don't realize it. So that's where I come in:

Dear Shy Child,

Now, I'm not going to be as mean as I normally am. Normally I would tell bad bands to stop playing. But I sense there to be maybe some sort of potential here. So here we go...

Get a new synthesizer. Casio plus dance music does not equal grooving. Get something with more bass. Step two: crank up the bass on the drums. Give your music some depth to it. Give it some full sounds. Don't get the guy who recorded Les Savvy Fav to record you, go dig up Timbaland or RZA. Have them help you with a drum machine as well. Let them write your songs, and call it a "collaboration." Step three: change your name. Shy Child? Shy children do not make me want to boogie down. Nope. Step four: pimp cup and bitchez. Fur coats. Bling. Ice. Why not?

So either make these changes, or face my wrath as a broke-ass dickwad webzine reviewer. Thank you for listening.

Sincerely,
Jesse