Warning: Clear Convictions is going to come to your house and jump on your mom's sofa. Then they're going to eat an entire jar of pickles and a block of cheese. At some point, they may mess up a stack of magazines. They're going to do all of this wearing their hats askew or on jaunty angles.

Despite what Strike First may have you believe, this is not a hardcore band. Their bad-boy posturing on the back of the album does not disguise the fact that they all look fourteen years old. The picture on the back of the inside booklet says it all: Five cute boys grin at the camera, giving it their best "Hi Grandma" smile.

All of the tracks sound the same, that is: equally bad. There's no point writing a point-by-point review, unless you want to know which track is the worst, and that is the title track. It sounds like Gwar, without being bad on purpose.

This CD has 12 gritty tracks that preach about the power of God and the band's convictions. It's the same thing over and over -- loud and growly Christian hardcore -- something that, thanks very much, the world has plenty of. Let's not even get into examining the oxymoron that is "Christian hardcore" and settle this debate by saying that if that's your cup of tea, you'll find better brews elsewhere.

Every time someone buys this CD, God kills a kitten. Please, think of the kittens.