Now, I know that all of you evangelical Christians have been waiting for Jesus to come back, and get all you guys into heaven. Stop waiting, for I have found new, better saviors, who are already right here on earth. They are the Formaldehyde Junkies.

Coming out of perhaps the coolest city in the Midwest, Minneapolis, the Junkies play fast, crazy hardcore punk rock not unlike the early `80s D.C. or Boston scenes. Are a Total Wreck, their first EP, is a latter-day masterpiece of punk rock. In a few short minutes, FJ channels the speed of the F.U.'s , the conviction of Minor Threat, and the snotty attitude of Government Issue, without sounding like a crappy tribute band.

It's basically pointless to dissect the individual songs on the disc, because they all run together. I'm not even sure if there's any banding between the tracks. Anyway, it's like one really, really good hardcore song. The guitar sound fills the speakers, and come just close of drowning out the vocals, but manages to leave a little space. The vocals are shouted clearly, without any throat-scraping bullshit.

The lyrics are, for the most part, unintelligible, buried just below the awesome, awesome guitar. The band helpfully included the choruses of each song on the Xeroxed insert, so that you can shout along at their shows.

From this review, it may not sound so great, but that's just because I'm a shitty writer. But please, mail order this (you're not gonna find it anywhere else). This EP has more heart, and certainly more balls, than any of the major label, corporate-funded pop music on this site. It's good to see that punk rock can still be dangerous, and that hardcore can still be "hard" without having breakdowns and rapped vocals. I cannot wait until the Formaldehyde Junkies put out an LP.