It's late evening as I sit at my desk, eager for my first taste of Arise and Ruin, Canada's latest import to Victory Records, and the sun is going down. I press play as darkness emerges and shadows fall across my floor, filling my mind with wonder. Will I unearth a modern day classic, or will all that remains be another mediocre metalcore album? Alas, a few listens of songs like "Amidst Devils" and "Pale Horse" prove I've feared correct.

Sure, there might be some decent chug-along verses and flittering double-bass breakdowns, but what still remains is, in fact, just another mediocre metalcore album. God forbid a new band on Victory would actually try something new. I decide there's really no point in living anymore if this is what the modern-day notion of intensity is coming to, grab my collectible (yet no less lethal) diecast Geordi La Forge signature-series phaser, and set the killswitch to engage. There's a suicide silence following the blast, and animosity fills my heart.

As I lay dying on the floor, phaser wounds bleeding through my black V-neck, I think about how this could have all been avoided. But just as it begins to dawn on me, a light appears, and the Lamb of God is summoning me for judgment. But the Lord does not seem to be happy about that night last April when I killed the prom queen after she rejected me and my stunning jet black hair. He sends the knights of the abyss to escort me down to the depths and I'm not stoked to see Satan, because the devil wears Prada, and that is not very vegan.

Arise and Ruin is a great name for a band, but I feel like this sound and generic lyrical themes might have been done before. Well, at least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.