It's been a while since I've played the "NOT TRU PUNX!!" card, so gimme a sec to brush mine off.

Oh wow, that's a lot of blood. And no, that's not a non-sequitur, Guy Who Thinks I'm Named Jolene and Wonders If I Have Nice Boobs. It's a segue into Black Blood, the third full-length from alleged Canadian punk act Bionic. I say "alleged" because, like the band's claims to psychedelia and a Devo-influenced sound, it's yet to be authenticated. These guys are hereby banned from the Gilman. I'm taking away all of their Dillinger Four records and running a piece in Maximumrockand/orroll about how to disrupt their shows, like an adult. Sure, they can still look at vinyl at Hot Topic, but if they so much as think of an anarchist book store, I will write them a very sternly worded letter.

Remember Blueshammer from Ghost World? Remember how they promised authentic blues music, but really just recycled the same bar band riffs from the last 40 years? That's Bionic. If I wanted a soundtrack to Steve Buscemi's tears while I acquire an STD at the local sports bar -- assuming the ska band that does that wicked awesome cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" isn't working that night -- Black Blood would work mighty fine. In fact, there are times when I swear this is a joking attempt to out-D Tenacious D. "Freedom Now, Baby!" in particular stands out as either patronizing or silly.

Granted, guitarist Jonathan Cummins did time in the Doughboys, a yesteryear punk act that I think I'm supposed to care about. But that just brings me back to my "NOT TRU PUNX!!" card. This is crappy bar rock. And as we all know, bars are better off just unironically playing Minor Threat.