Dear Priestess of Punk Propriety,

I love punk music and I love going to shows! I had to take a break from going into the mosh pit because of an injury but now, I feel ready to get back in. I’m worried that because I haven’t been in that environment for a while that I won’t know how to act. Can you give me some time for how to behave properly in the pit, please?

Thank you,

Mosher on the Mend

Dear Mosher on the Mend,

Thank you for reaching out to me, dearie. It is wonderful to hear that you are fully recuperated and ready to stage dive back into the moshpit.

I have been going to shows since the late 70s and believe me when I tell you that I have seen some wild happenings in the pit! It has been incredibly heartening to see this tradition continue to be so integral to the enjoyment of punk fans of all ages. It grinds my gears to no end when I see people being jerks in the pit and ruining this sacred experience for everyone else. Here are a couple of tips that I hope help you get back into the pit with confidence, my sweet.

Be mindful of your space. There are a lot of people who don’t do this and trust me, you do not want to be like them. There is nothing punk about invading someone’s personal space if they don’t want you to. As we all know, pits are crowded and it is impossible to keep from bumping into another person but we can all exist in this environment and dance while maintaining our bubble of personal space. There is a difference between accidentally bumping into somebody and doing it on purpose. If you accidentally bump into someone who isn’t actively slam dancing, the best course of action is to give them a gesture of apology and move on. If you need to exit the pit, move with purpose and say “excuse me” so people let you through. Violence is never the answer, but if someone is giving you or your friends a hard time, take no shit.

This should go without saying but if you see someone fall down, help them up. As we all know, between the slippery, sticky floor and the constant movement of people, it is very easy to become unbalanced in the pit. Who among us hasn’t been nearly toppled by the surge forward when the headliners come on? It isn’t always easy to catch yourself and we all take a tumble sometimes. Make sure the person is ok and lift them back up. We are nothing if we do not help each other and there is a special place in hell for people who don’t help each other out in the pit, my cherished one.

Please refrain from evacuating your bowels or your bladder in the pit. I know that for the most part venue bathrooms are absolutely vile, but please darling, try to hold it until you can get to one. In the case that the bathrooms are busy or intolerably disgusting, go outside and find a nice bush, shrub, or patch of grass to unleash upon. If you take this route, please make sure you are in a secluded (but SAFE!) area and if you came with a friend, have them hold up their coat to shield you from prying eyes or act as a distraction so you can have some peace while you do your business. This is another reason why you should always carry tissues in your pocket, you don’t want to risk making the mistake of cleaning up with poison ivy. Believe me, my dearest, that is no fun at all.

Make sure you’ve had enough water and enough to eat as well, my darling. You will be using a lot of energy jumping and dancing and overall having a great time. I hope this has helped you and I hope that everyone else who needs these reminders takes them to heart. I fear that I’ve left out quite a bit but as we all know, we can only prepare so much. Please write and let me know how your return to the mosh pit goes. May it be wonderful and may the shoes of crowd surfers pass over your head with ease.

With love,

The Priestess of Punk Propriety